Use the Nice Dishes

First and foremost, I hope you are doing OK. That's such an inadequate statement, but it comes from the heart and is meant to encompass every aspect of your well-being. I hope this space can be an uplifting outlet of entertainment outside of the news cycle for you. In that spirit...

For a little over a month, I've been thinking about hosting a tea party. I could use something to look forward to: a reason to pull out Aunt Min's set of "nice dishes" which includes a tea service for 12 and make tiny food that looks cute; to set a table with Grandma Ruth's linens and a vase of hot pink carnations.  But here's the thing: there's no one in my friend circle who would really love to attend a tea party. 

Don't get me wrong: my friends would show up, for sure. But not because they're excited to sit around and drink tea and have that particular experience with me. And in much the same way that I avoid watching Hallmark movies with my husband Dan, even when he offers, because I know I'll feel self-conscious the whole time - and like I need to reassure him repeatedly that yes, I know this is the exact same plot from that other one we watched - I know that having a tea party with wonderful people who just aren't into tea parties would not be satisfying. I didn't want to force it, for the sake of making someone else experience something that I - and I alone -  wanted.

In my twenties and thirties, this would have turned out one of two ways:

• I invite 10 friends over, spend a ton of time and money on the whole thing, and am wildly and irrationally disappointed that no one else "GOT IT" - it being this fantasy tea party that had played out perfectly in my head on repeat for weeks.
• I don't throw the party because my own needs and desires - especially those that call for tea and tiny sandwiches - are not as important as the needs and desires of everyone around me, so I wouldn't even THINK about imposing what I want on anyone else.

Now at 40, I'm throwing tea parties for myself. And damn it, if it wasn't fun and perfect and exactly what I wanted it to be. I sat in my living room, pouring myself tea and eating french fries, mini avocado toasts and a fancy cookie I bought at the grocery store. I kid you not, I literally felt a sense of calm come over me, which sounds like a tall order for mini avocado toasts to deliver on. But I think it's because I showed myself that the best of me isn't just reserved for everyone else in my life. When I do the things that my spirit says, "Hey - wouldn't this be fun for us?" I (evidently) feel peaceful.  Must do that more often. 

This tea party happened on March 12th, when COVID-19 was just beginning to become more real here in Minnesota. As I write this post on March 22nd, when it's now very real, I keep thinking: Use the nice dishes now. Make the cute tiny food with what's in the fridge now. Light the candles now.  Sit and look out the window and breath now. Don't wait for a gathering, or the right time, or a better moment.

Make the moment. 
 
My moment is not your moment, so I'd love to know what that looks like for you. I've heard a few people use the term "romancing the ordinary," which really lands with me. I mean, I'm certainly living my most ordinary life at the moment, at home with Dan and Gravy and a week's worth of yoga pants. So I'm very into finding ways to add a little romance and whimsy to my everyday. So let's hear it in the comments - how are you romancing the ordinary in your home these days?